When I Do’s Turn to I Don’ts

Marriage is not cute Facebook pictures and long walks in the park…well not all the time. It’s hard work, really hard work! Especially when on top of focusing on your relationship, you’re also juggling kids, family, community activities, and the list goes on and on. Guess what?! Even with all that going on we still have to make our marriages a priority. As much as your Honey gets on your nerves, there is some lonely man or woman out there that would love to pick his dirty socks off the floor everyday or hold hands with her in public.

With that in mind: marriage takes a whole lot of patience. Patience to “zip that lip” when you want to call him every thing but the name on his birth certificate. Patience to remind your Honey for the 50th time to help with the dishes, wash the car or not leave hair in the sink. The relationship tip I want you to remember is to love yourself while you are in a relationship loving someone else.

How is that connected to patience? When you’re exhausted and have no time for yourself: you are likely to have very low patience. When you remember the importance of not losing yourself, you do things like: make time for exercise, fun hobbies, spend time with friends & family, don’t work through lunch and you take vacations when needed.

It’s possible to get so wrapped up in your role as a wife or husband that you aren’t aware of your own needs. If you aren’t clear about what your personal needs are or your needs from your relationship, then you can’t make it clear to your spouse. It is always our responsibility to know and share what we need from our loved ones. We must work to be open enough to share this without being in our feelings thinking “she should know what I need by now,” “I’m not going to keep repeating myself,” or “Lisa’s husband does this all the time…” We’ll be right AND alone.

Remember these three Relationship Tips:
1. This “marriage thing ain’t gonna work” without patience
2. Your marriage matters and so do you (find yourself again, if you’ve lost yourself)
3. A “closed mouth won’t get fed”: swallow your pride and share exactly what you need (don’t demand it or resentfully withhold it)

These Relationship Tips were brought to you by Natasha Oates, Speaker, Relationship Coach, Licensed Therapist & Retreat Host. Mrs. Oates gives marriage counseling at The UP Company located in Charlotte, NC and also virtually through online counseling. Mrs. Oates also helps stressed out professionals regain passion and focus. As a business owner and wife of 10 years, she understands the beauty and challenge of juggling family and career.


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